


The Odyssey of a Hero

by alexcat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, In the 5 year gap in Endgame, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sam Wilson Is A Good Friend, Self-Discovery, Steve travels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 14:55:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcat/pseuds/alexcat
Summary: We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.T.S. EliotAfter the Snap, after they killed Thanos, nothing is right and Steve doesn't know who he is any more. He realizes that is one journey he has to take on his own.  He knows he's risking everything, but he feels like he has no choice at all.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 9
Kudos: 65
Collections: Marvel Big Bang 2019, Of Elves and Men





	The Odyssey of a Hero

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Caiti (Caitriona_3)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caitriona_3/gifts).

> The artwork by [**Caiti (Caitriona_3)**](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caitriona_3/pseuds/Caiti) is [**here**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21383257/chapters/50936932) and will also be added to the body of the story later. Go take a look - the work is great. Thank you so much for making my story come to life. 
> 
> Many thanks to my husband and beta, for putting up with my crush on Steve and Natasha and reading my story.
> 
> [](https://imgur.com/XEvWtl2)  


Steve Rogers died in 1945. It was that simple. And that complicated. All that was left was Captain America. 

*

2011 – New York

When he woke after being removed from the ice, he knew that something was off. The baseball game on the radio was one he went to before the war. Years ago. What the hell? His following meltdown at least netted him some answers. Had he known what they’d be, he might have elected to hide in his little room forever. 

*

Nick Fury, certainly a piece of work, reminded him of Col. Phillips. One-eyed SOB acted like _he_ was doing Steve a favor by telling him what happened to him. 

Bastard!

Fury had given him a place to work out his frustrations – and as many punching bags as he could destroy. None of them helped him sleep or took away the memories that flooded his mind when he did sleep. He saw Bucky fall. He saw himself fail to save him. Over and over. Not dreams. Flashbacks. He saw atrocities, deaths, and knew that he couldn’t stop the memories any more than he could stop them from happening seventy years ago. 

He felt like he was drowning in guilt, sorrow and regret. 

And there wasn’t a damned thing anyone could do about it. He’d seen it in the Howlers now and again. He was pretty sure it was the result of the fucking horror of war, but some of the brass had still acted like it was cowardice, plain and simple. 

Nothing was ever simple. Not a damned thing! 

He was here in the gym, beating that damned bag at 4am, because every time he closed his eyes, the memories were there. 

“Trouble sleeping?” Fury always seemed to appear out of nowhere. 

“You here with a mission, sir?” He began unwrapping the cotton wrappings he used to protect his hands when he punched the bag. There were gloves but he preferred the feel of his hands when he punched. 

“I am,” Fury said as he walked toward Steve. 

“Trying to get me back in the world?” He hadn’t looked at Fury more than a glance yet. 

“Trying to save it.” That got his attention. 

Saving the world turned out to be much harder than it sounded. 

It was both the best and the worst thing that ever happened to him. Fighting had helped, giving him an outlet for all his anger, his rage over what was done to him, to Bucky. But with war, there were casualties and more guilt over the death and destruction that he was a part of. They made a holy hell mess of New York. He had to live with that now, too. 

Like he needed more pain and guilt. 

And then there were all his new comrades. 

The Avengers, Fury called them. It had a more civilized sound that the Howling Commandos. In some ways, they weren’t much different. 

Tony Stark. Son of Howard Stark, the man with the Vita-Ray machine that helped make him what he was, hero, monster? He wasn’t sure from one day to the next. Stark had all the bravado and brilliance of his father. He was also an asshole like Howard was. Steve had wanted to hate him, but there was something so real about Stark, something he recognized under all that loud bullshit. Steve saw the look in those dark eyes after Iron Man had saved the helicarrier. Tony Stark needed to prove he was good enough over and over. Just like Steve did. 

Natasha Romanov. Oh God, she was deadlier than hell and sexier than hell, too. Looking at her made his heart pound, whether it was lust or fear, he wasn’t sure. He was sure it was lust when she got close enough for him to smell her perfume and her scent. His dick twitched even in battle once or twice. Good to know the ice hadn’t frozen that part of him away. He’d never want her as an enemy, though. He’d seen what she could do. 

Banner was brilliant, funny and a gentle soul. His Hulk was a giant disaster made up of rage, pure rage. Punching a bag was a little easier than turning into that thing whenever he got annoyed or angry. Steve supposed he should be thankful for small favors.

Barton was just as deadly as Natasha and as fucked up as the rest of them. He’d read Barton’s file. He was from circus people, of all things. He had saved Romanov from a kill order and made her an agent, with the help and consent of Coulson. 

He’d read Coulson’s file, too, what of it that wasn’t redacted. Coulson seemed like a mild mannered bureaucrat, but he was anything but. Steve wished he’d known him longer. 

There was Thor. A god from another world! He was a huge man, handsome and funny yet oddly sweet and endearing. Steve loved watching him and his hammer. The raw power was simply mindboggling. He watched as he talked about Loki and he saw the look when Thor took him home to Asgard. He dearly loved his brother, no matter what the sneaky bastard had done. That was obvious to anyone with eyes. 

Then there was their ringmaster and his minion. Fury and Hill. 

He didn’t trust either of them, but he did trust them more than anyone else at SHIELD. Fury would do what he thought needed doing and Maria might bitch, but she’d do anything for Fury. He was pretty sure that Fury believed the ends justified the means in nearly all cases. 

That might be true, but it was one of the things that kept him awake at night.

He’d done awful things for the right reasons. He wasn’t sure about the others. Were they haunted by their mistakes, too? 

He hung another bag when he knocked the other one so hard that the sand spilled and it flew all the way across the room. 

*

2018 - Avengers Headquarters

Steve and Natasha stood side by side, watching the images of their friends and colleagues roll across the screen, counted among the lost. T’Challa, Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, Fury, Maria Hill… the list went on and on. The numbers grew and grew; they were already over three billion. 

“Turn it off, Steve. Let’s go to bed.” Natasha put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. 

“I’m okay here. You go ahead.”

“You can’t stay awake forever, Steve.” The nightmares and flashbacks had gotten much worse since the Snap. He barely ate, he barely slept and when he did, he woke screaming Bucky’s name. He hadn’t touched Natasha except for a kiss on the cheek since the night before the battle either. He only showered when she nagged him to and he was bad tempered. To be fair, though, they were all a little bit bad tempered. 

“I’ll be there in a bit,” he told her as she kissed his cheek and went to the room they shared. 

She showered and poured herself a tumbler of vodka. She sat on the sofa with her legs tucked up under and thought about the last two years. 

_  
2016 - Wakanda and Berlin_

_“I’m not letting you go alone.” She’d actually tracked him down in Wakanda. It was only a few weeks after he and Bucky had their battle with Stark in Siberia. _

_“I got this far without you. You won’t be safe,” he told her._

_She put her hands on her hips. Her face looked like a storm cloud. “Where the hell do you think I can go? I let you and Barnes go, for fuck’s sake, Steve. Ross is coming for me, too, not to mention how pissed off Stark is.”_

_So they’d thrown in together. Natasha, Steve, Sam and sometimes Wanda, but mostly they just tried to keep Wanda safe and hidden. They got information from somewhere about terrorists, alien tech and such things and suddenly, they had an unregistered Quinjet to fly around in. She did some poking around and found that most of the funds came through shell companies that she could recognize as former SHIELD operations. Fury and Hill, she suspected, though she never asked Steve. She wasn’t sure he could tell her and she didn’t want to force him to lie. _

_Their last op ended up being a lot more dangerous than the previous ones. They’d gotten away in a hail of fire, but they’d gotten away. They had a safe house in Berlin, one Steve used quite often. They’d gone there, just the two of them. Sam usually made himself scarce when they weren’t on a mission. He assumed there was more to their relationship than there was. _

_Up until that mission. _

_When they got home, they were sweaty, dirty and completely wired. _

_“That was almost scary,” Natasha had said. _

_“Almost?” Steve asked with a bitter laugh as he began removing his battered suit. He was no longer Captain America, but he wore the suit. He’d ripped the star off of it, but it still took some time to remove._

_“I found it exhilarating,” she said, shrugging. _

_“You’re one strange girl, Natasha Romanov.” _

_He was stripped down to his underwear. “Mind if I get a shower?” _

_“I don’t mind at all.” Her words had been full of innuendo. She’d known what she was doing since they’d got home. She needed him. He needed her. Why not?_

_He bit his lip, slipped his boxers down and let them hit the floor. He looked good, she thought. Really good. She stood and peeled her black suit off. His eyes were glued to her body. _

_“Eyes up here, Rogers,” she’d said with a grin._

_“I will if you will,” he answered. _

_“By the way, can I shower with you?” she asked. _

_He’d reached for her hand. She followed him to the bathroom. They bathed one another and finally he kissed her. His kisses were sweet, but he was still quite hesitant. Maybe he was waiting for her to tell him what she wanted. That would be typical of Steve._

_“Are you afraid of me, Steve?” _

_“I don’t have a lot of experience. None since I was thawed. I might be a little rusty.”_

_“It’s like riding a bike,” she said as they stepped out of the shower. She reached for a towel and began to dry herself off as he did the same. When she was done, he took the towel from her and stepped close, pulling her into his arms. This time she felt him hard against her. _

_“I’ll take your word for that,” he said as he lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed. _

_What he lacked in experience, he made up for with stamina and enthusiasm as he reduced her to a quivering mess with his hands and his mouth. Looking back, she probably fell in love with him that very night as he cried her name over and over as he came undone in her arms. Before the night was over, she was sure he’d caught up on anything he’d missed and then some. _

_Several nights later, she wasn’t very surprised the first time he woke her screaming Bucky’s name. He bolted upright in the bed, suddenly awake. He was gasping for breath and shaking like a leaf. _

_“Steve, you’re here with me, Natasha. And Bucky is safe in Wakanda. He’s fine, Steve. It’s okay.” When she was sure he was awake enough, she put her arms around him and held him. “Take a deep breath, let it out slowly. It’s all right now. I’m here for you.” _

_He had calmed down and gone back to sleep. She didn’t sleep any more though. She’d seen Clint go through what he was going through. And Steve’s was from World War II. She supposed that he’d had this ever since he’d been awakened but no one was there to see him so he’d said nothing. _

_He was up before her the next morning, making coffee. _

_“You okay?” she asked, yawning. _

_“Sorry about that.” He looked embarrassed. _

_“How often does it happen?” She opened the fridge and stared inside, as if willing something she wanted to appear._

_“Often enough.” He looked at the coffee maker instead of her. _

_“That’s not an answer, Steve.” _

_“Couple of times a week.” He still didn’t look at her._

_“Ever since you were thawed?” She moved over beside him. _

_He nodded, obviously not wanting to talk about it._

_“You know it has a name? What you have.” She placed a hand on his shoulder. _

_“In my day, they called it battle fatigue. They said cowards had it.” He shrugged dismissively. _

_“This is a different day. You know that. It’s Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”_

_“I can handle it.”_

_“Have you talked to Sam?” _

_“Sam?”_

_“Sam is a counselor; it’s what he does, did, at the VA. You know that. Talk to him.”_

_“I’m okay.” He opened a cabinet door, looking for cereal. _

_Natasha got between him and the cabinet. “You need help. I care and so does Sam. Talk to him.”_

_“You’re awfully bossy,” he said in a stern voice though there was no real fire in it._

_“I want to sleep at night,” she told him._

_“You can move out.”_

_“Do you want that? I don’t. I haven’t had anyone to wake up with in – ever actually. Barton once in a while. But he thinks I’m his little sister.”_

_“I’ll think about it.” _

*

2018 - Avengers Headquarters

She drained her glass and lay down. She woke when she felt his weight on the bed. She didn’t move and tried to keep her breathing even so he wouldn’t know she was awake. She hoped he’d go to sleep.

“I know you’re awake,” he said. 

“Yeah, I am. Decide to sleep?”

“I need to shower. Wanna join me?” 

Well, this was new. He hadn’t had any interest in a while. 

“Sure. You can scrub my back.” She didn’t want to get her hopes up. If he’d shower and at least try to sleep, that was enough. 

She let her gown fall to the floor as she followed him to the bathroom. 

What happened in the shower was not what she expected, but it was something, at least. The damn broke and he cried. She held him under the warm spray as he cried for their losses and for their failure. She washed him when he was done, dried him and took him to bed, holding him until his even breathing told her he was asleep at last. 

He needed help. Sam wasn’t here this time to help him out. Maybe he would find someone. 

*

2016 - Berlin

_  
“You want me to what?” Sam looked nervous. _

_“Talk to him. He has PTSD and he’s had it for years. I think you can help him,” Natasha told him. “He has flashbacks, he’s always on edge, he’s a right bastard most of the time.”_

_Sure, he counseled vets at the VA, but that wasn’t the same as Captain America, was it? Maybe it really was, though. He was a soldier, too, and he’d certainly had enough trauma in his life. He probably owed Steve that much. Besides, he was trained for this very thing and had suffered enough himself to understand._

_“I’ll talk to him. If I feel I’m in over my head, I’ll tell you and him that. Okay?” _

_Natasha nodded. “Fair enough. We could all probably use some help but he’s not sleeping. This thing with Tony has hit him very hard. I think it’s set off the old traumas again.”_

_Sam nodded. It was not uncommon for a new trauma to reopen old wounds and bring them to the surface again. He saw it all the time at the VA._

_They met for breakfast the next day, something they did now and again. While Natasha went to order them all coffees, Steve motioned Sam to sit. _

_“She tells me I have to talk to you,” Steve said to Sam. _

_Sam was glad that Steve brought it up. Even though they had become good friends, he’d dreaded it. He didn’t want to drive Steve away. It wasn’t that he was Captain America, or had been until Sokovia and Siberia. It was that Sam _liked_ him so much. He was a good guy and a good friend. Sam needed that. He’d lost his best friend in war, too. The stress and pain of that was why he was doing what he was doing. _

_“She tells me the same thing.”_

_Steve nodded. “It’s bad, Sam, worse since Siberia. I see all these horrible things when I go to sleep. I am so fucking angry all the time. When I’m not angry, I feel guilty. The Howlers are all gone, Bucky has lived a nightmare of a life and now, I hurt Tony so badly that I can’t fix it. I doubt he’ll ever forgive me and I don’t blame him at all.”_

_“Talk. You need to talk about it, you need to see it all for what it is, not for what your mind makes it to be,” Sam told him. It was where everyone started usually. _

_“That makes sense.” _

_“And baby steps. We take baby steps.”_

_Sam had actually printed off some of the info on some medical sites and on the VA site about PTSD and gave them to Steve. “You need to understand a couple of things right off the bat. What is happening to you happens to a lot of people. You’re not alone in it. And we’re here for you anytime. I am and I’m sure Natasha is, too.” He looked over at her. She nodded, looking for all the world as if she didn’t have a care in the world. _

*

2018 - Avengers Headquarters

Steve seemed better after his crying jag in the shower, more himself. 

When Carol Danvers showed up, they all felt a ray of hope. She set out in search of Tony. Even Thor roused from his foul mood to talk to her and he’d given her his stamp of approval. 

She was back in a few days with a very broken and angry Tony Stark and the blue alien woman, Nebula. Tony was angry with Steve for abandoning him and angry at himself for his own failure. Rhodey finally intervened and carried Tony away. 

While everyone was clucking over Tony, Natasha saw what was happening to Steve, saw the stricken look on his face. She hadn’t realized had badly he wanted to fix things with Tony. It made Steve sad, but it made her furious. Steve had might not have been there to fly away to Titan with Tony, but he’d been in the damned breach here on Earth. He’d led the battle and watched hundreds of people die and even more disappear into dust. 

And he never fucking gave up! 

She didn’t say anything as Pepper flew in and whisked Tony away because he didn’t want to play anymore. He wanted to go act as if nothing had happened and pretend they all never existed. 

Fuck him. Fuck Tony Stark.

She turned her attention to Steve and on what was left to do. They needed to get their people back, their family. 

When they figured out where Thanos was and what was happening, they all went to find him. To say things went badly was an understatement. They came home with Thanos dead and the Infinity Stones destroyed. 

It was hard to stay hopeful after that.

Steve ran miles and miles rather than talk to anyone anymore. Natasha herself had taken to drinking large amounts of vodka when she wasn’t manning the communications center at Avengers headquarters and coordinating the search for a solution. 

Some days she wished she’d never fallen so much in love with Steve in the first place. Most days she was glad to have him with her.

* 

2017 - Amsterdam 

“I still have the fucking dreams, flashbacks, whatever,” Steve told Sam. Things had been quiet for a few weeks and they’d all tried to decompress a little. The three of them were in a bar in Amsterdam. 

“Maybe you need to visit one of those coffee shops,” Sam told him with a smile. 

Steve laughed. “I tried that several years ago. Not much help. It did make me eat a lot, but that’s not very new, is it?” 

“Is he any better?” Sam asked Natasha. It was no secret that the two of them were a couple, so asking her wasn’t unusual. 

“He sleeps more than he used to.”

Steve grinned at her. “You wear me out.” 

“Hey, I don’t need to know this, guys,” Sam said, holding both hands up in the air.

Steve laughed, a sound they seldom heard from him. 

He was better but he was not the same. He was darker, more cynical than he’d been before. Natasha thought he was more like her now and she knew he shouldn’t be. He still had that steely determination to protect the world though. 

He had been practicing meditation sometimes. It helped, especially with the panic attacks that sometimes followed the flashbacks. The deep breathing exercises helped with the anger. No one had found a cure for his guilt yet. Only Steve could let go of that and stop blaming himself, or at least, accept it and move on. 

She wished that she could help him see that, but some things he simply had to do on his own.

*

2018 - Avengers Headquarters

Steve wasn’t sleeping anymore. He would go up on the roof and night and watch the stars. He didn’t tell anyone what he was thinking. He didn’t have to. They all saw his desperation, how scared he was. Everyone had moved on. All but him and Natasha. Bruce had simply left. As had Thor, who’d gone to New Asgard. Rhodes, Carol Danvers, Okoye, Rocket and Nebula were out in space and on earth, monitoring and searching. 

He didn’t even do that. 

He ran a lot and punched a punching bag. He couldn’t concentrate on anything else for the pain. He knew that Natasha wanted comfort and perhaps a little more from him, but he just couldn’t do it. He had nothing to give her. It was as if all his needs and wants had slipped away. 

He saw Bucky turn to dust over and over again. And there had been nothing he could so to stop it. Nothing. Not a thing. Then or now. 

And they still looked to him for answers. 

He had no answers and he was tired, so tired. 

He had to get out of here. He had to leave. Now. 

[](https://imgur.com/GIRCDEO)

*

Natasha didn’t even notice that he was missing for over a day. He hardly came to bed anymore so she didn’t think much about it when he didn’t come to bed the first night. She spent all her time monitoring things, while he – she didn’t know what he did, but she usually only saw him at meals or if he decided to try to sleep. 

After a day with no Steve, she contacted the others. No one had seen him. No one had talked to him. 

She called Pepper Potts. Word was that she and Stark had married and that she was pregnant already. 

“Have you seen Steve?” She didn’t bother with asking about Tony. Right now, she didn’t care much about him. She was worried about Steve. It wasn’t like him to disappear without a word. 

“No. We haven’t heard from anyone. Tony is doing better though. He tinkers in his workshop a lot. I’m afraid to ask him what he’s doing.” 

“If you hear anything, call me.” 

“Natasha, why are you hunting him?”

“He’s disappeared. Tony was never the only person who was affected by all this.” She hung up. She did not want to deal with Stark’s bullshit right now. 

Where the hell had Steve gone?

*

He’d taken his motorcycle from the garage at Avengers Headquarters. 

He had initially gone to Brooklyn to see if there was anything from his childhood left. There were a few buildings here and there but many had been torn down to make room for more upscale condos and apartments. He found the old cemetery where his mother and father were buried. He sat at the foot of their graves for a long time, talking to them, telling them about his life. 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I need to leave here. It’s all gotten to be more than I can fix. Sometimes I think skinny little Steve with his inhaler and pale skin was better off than I am now.”

He bought a rose and laid it on Sarah Rogers’ grave. “Ma, I miss you so much. I wish you could tell me what I need to do.”

He went to the bank and withdrew almost all of his money, mostly in cash, some in prepaid cards. He didn’t want to leave a paper trail for anyone to follow. Not right now, anyway. 

He had packed a few clothes in a backpack before he left Avengers Headquarters so he was set. 

He was headed out of New York City before Natasha even realized he was missing. The city was not the same. The damage from the Snap was still evident everywhere he went. Cars and trucks still sat where they crashed off the road. There were wreckages of planes and helicopters as well. Homes and businesses were in disrepair. 

But oddly enough, life went on. It might have stopped for them, but the people who survived had to go on – to work, to eat, to pick up with their lives. 

He slept under an overpass on the interstate heading down into to Pennsylvania. No one bothered him and his demons decided to leave him alone that first night. He considered that a good omen. 

He found a diner the next morning. 

“What’ll ya have?” The waitress was in her thirties, not thrilled to be waiting tables still. She’d come to New York in her twenties, looking for more than her mundane life back home. And here she was slinging hash to truck drivers and travelers, not that there’d been many since whatever the hell happened. The news said some deadly virus did it, but she had her doubts. 

“Bacon, eggs, toast and coffee, please,” Steve told her with a smile.

“Comin’ right up.”

She was back with coffee in a few minutes. He smiled and thanked her. 

“Did you lose people in this virus thing?” She made quotations marks with her fingers. 

“I did, ma’am.”

“I’m so sorry. It makes me glad I didn’t have any family left to speak of. I have on old aunt down in Georgia but she’s too mean to die. Oh, looks like your food is up. Be right back.”

She brought him his plate with an extra roll. She cocked her head sideways. “Have we met before? You look familiar.”

“I don’t think so. I have a face that makes people think that.”

She laughed. “You have a fine face.” 

He ate and left her a big tip when he left. He did remember her. She was the waitress he’d seen in New York after he’d first been thawed, the one who said Captain America saved her in a television interview. He had saved her when he’d kept her and a lot of other people from being blown up by the Chitauri. 

He headed south. He rode all day, only stopping when he needed to eat or get fuel. He bought a map at a gas station and opened it up at the next place he stopped, a rest area off the interstate. He got soda and some chips and sat reading his map, when a young woman approached him. 

“Mind if I sit?” She was young, twenties maybe, with dark hair. She wore jeans and a t-shirt. 

“Sure.” He gestured to the open space. 

“That your bike?” she gestured to his motorcycle in the parking lot. 

“Yep.”

“Where you headed?” 

He looked up from his map and thought a minute. “Nowhere and fast.” 

She grinned. ”Me, too. Well, actually I’m headed to Charlotte down in North Carolina. My sister lives there and her hubby got killed by that virus. I’m gonna help her with her kids. I sort of ran out of luck here. My ride took off while I was in the restroom.”

“It’s dangerous to hitch rides.” He felt like an old man giving a kid unwanted advice. 

“My brother-in-law disappeared into a cloud of dust on his way to McDonald’s. Everything is dangerous.”

“I can take you a little ways. Not sure I’m going all the way to Charlotte. I’ve been sleeping out in the open. You got blankets and stuff?”

She grinned. “I do. I’m always prepared. I’m Darcy, by the way. I, um, do know who you are.”

“Darcy… I’ve heard of you. Jane’s intern?”

“Yep and you’re Steve Rogers.”

“Guilty as charged.”

They talked awhile and she climbed onboard his motorcycle with him when he left. They stopped and ate at a McDonald’s then Steve asked her if she wanted to find a motel.

“Why? I can sleep under an overpass. I don’t think you’ll ravish me, will you? If you want to, I might be okay with it.” She grinned rather saucily at him and he knew that on another day, a better day, he might have taken her up on the offer.

He laughed and shook his head and they settled under a bridge, sort of behind a bush or two. They started out a foot apart but by the time Steve finally went to sleep, Darcy was snuggled into his arms. Morning had them on the road and he dropped her at her sister’s by noon. 

“I’d really appreciate if you didn’t tell anyone you saw me,” Steve said as he walked her to the door.

She thought a minute. “Kiss me, then. I want a real kiss from Captain America and I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

He laughed and pulled her into his arms. She was an armful, all curvy and warm. She grinned very wickedly at him and they kissed. It was a rather long kiss as kisses go and when they parted, Steve hugged her tight. “You’re too hot for your own good, Darcy. You take care.” 

“You, too, Steve. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

“So do I.” And he was gone. 

*

Natasha was angry at Steve after five days and no word. 

The bastard! 

None of her contacts had seen him though Rhodes said he would actively search for Steve for her. 

“Jim, I worry about him. He doesn’t sleep and he’s really down since Tony got back. It took a lot of work to help him get back to himself after Siberia and I don’t think we ever really got there completely, but Sam said he’d made progress. This makes me so fucking angry.”

“You know he might not want to be found. Maybe you should give him some space.” 

Unexpectedly, tears sprang to her eyes. “I need him. He’s _my_ rock and I – I love him. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to him.”

Rhodes nodded. He’d suspected as much, but he knew how private both of them were, so he simply nodded to her. “I’ll do what I can.” 

*

Steve had driven down into Florida. Despite the awful things that had happened to the world, there were crops that needed picking and work to be done. Half of the workforce had disappeared as well. 

He stopped at a vegetable farm. There was sign that said they were looking for people to pick tomatoes. He had money enough that he didn’t need to work, but doing something useful sounded good to him. 

He drove down the lane to the farm office. A woman came out.

“What can I do for you?” she had a drink in one hand and a phone in the other. 

“Looking for work.”

She looked him over and nodded. “Come on in and fill out some papers.”

He nodded and followed her into the cool office. Though it was very early spring, it was already warm this far south. He filled out everything and handed them back to her. 

“Don’t you have a local address?” 

“No, ma’am. I’m new here. I don’t have a place yet.”

“Well, there are a few beds and a kitchen in the bunkhouse out beside the warehouse. We start pickin’ at seven, before it gets too hot. We usually come back here at midday for lunch. Charlie usually picks up fast food somewhere and then it’s back to the fields. If you stay here, you have to be in by ten when we lock up and we don’t put up with no drugs or partying. You can do that on Saturday in town.” 

“Thanks.” 

“You can park your bike in the garage with Charlie’s tractors. It’ll be safe there locked up until you need it. Hope you’re a good worker, Mr. Rogers.” 

She showed him where he’d live. The bunkhouse was attached to the warehouse by a hallway. There was what looked to be a communal kitchen and bathroom. There were several men sitting in the kitchen when he went in. 

“You new? Margaret said she was gonna get us another hand. You ever pick ‘maters before?” 

“No, sir.”

“Well, it ain’t rocket science and I ain’t no ‘sir’. We’ll show you the ropes when we get out there. I’m Al, by the way.” He pointed to the two other men. “This here is Juan and that’s Ernest. They usually pick up a few day laborers in town, too. It’s hot and dirty work, but Margaret and Charlie ain’t too bad to work for.” 

He got up and walked with Steve into the bunkhouse. 

“These three beds here is mine and theirs. Just pick any other one you want. If you got any valuables, better have Margaret lock ‘em up. Sometimes the laborers stay and they liable to steal from you. I let her keep my pay except for a little on Saturday night. Otherwise I’ll drink it all up. Got some kids and grandkids that need the money so I have Margaret hold it ‘til I can send it along to ‘em.” 

This man was chatty, even more so than Stark used to be. 

Steve settled into the bunkhouse and took his stash of cash to Margaret. “Honey, you ought to put that in the bank.”

“It’ll be fine here for now. I’ll take it into town later.” He’d rent a locker at the bus station and put his money there. 

“Al get you all settled? He likes to kinda run things out there, but there ain’t no harm in him. We got some good men working here.”

Steve smiled and nodded. “Al’s a nice guy.”

He settled into the bunkhouse life rather quickly. Working on the farm was hard work, but it left him tired and he slept fairly well. He seldom had nightmares or flashbacks and he attributed it to the hard work.

One night he was awakened by someone yelling.

“Steve get up. I hear a gun at Margaret and Charlie’s. They don’t have a gun.” It was Al. 

“Stay here. Call the police from the warehouse and be quiet.” He quickly donned his clothes and shoes and headed to the house. 

He could hear Margaret crying as he approached. There was an old truck in the drive he didn’t know. He slipped quietly onto the porch and into the opened front door. 

“Open that safe, woman!” 

“Just take our money. The money in there ain’t ours.” Steve knew there wasn’t much in the safe. He’d rented a locker in town and put his money there because he didn’t think his employers needed much money around.

The man was short and wore a ski mask over his face. “Just open it.” 

Margaret saw him behind the intruder and her eyes widened. He put his finger over his lips for her to not say anything. 

He slipped up behind the robber and, in one movement, took his gun and put him on the floor. 

“Are you and Charlie all right?” He asked.

“He’s tied up but he’s not hurt, just his pride.” She pointed to the bedroom. 

He used some zip ties that Margaret found for him to handcuff their criminal. “Al was supposed to call the cops.” He heard sirens. “There they are now. Let’s let Charlie loose and I’ll go on. I don’t really want to talk to the police.” 

She smiled and nodded. “I’ll tell ‘em I tied him up.”

Steve went back to the bunkhouse. Let the police figure out what happened, he thought with a smile.

Al was waiting at the door. “They okay?” 

“Yep. It was a burglar. Margaret caught him and I helped her tie him up. Thanks for calling the police.”

“This ain’t your first rodeo, is it? You a cop?” Al raised an eyebrow. 

“Nope. I was a soldier.”

“Damn good one, too, I’d bet.”

“Some days were better than others.” 

“You a vet of the Iraqi War? You got that stress thing?” Not much got by Al. 

Steve smiled at him. “Yeah, something like that.”

“You don’t seem dangerous to me.” He certainly didn’t look scared. He looked concerned, friendly. 

“I don’t think I am.” 

“Then why ain’t you home with your family? Did they get killed by that virus?”

“I have no family, but some of my fellow soldiers got killed by it. I needed to get off to myself and think about it for a while.”

Al patted his shoulder. “Well, I’m sure glad you come here. I’d hate for anything to happen to Margaret and Charlie.” 

“The man wanted the money from the safe and Margaret refused. She offered him her and Charlie’s money,” Steve told hm. 

“She’s good like that. Sometimes she drinks a little early in the day, but she’s a good one.”

Steve agreed.

He stayed at the farm for several months, hating to leave his new friends in the lurch. He only woke up screaming twice and Al acted as if it was a normal thing when he got up to check on Steve. He appreciated that his friend didn’t make a big fuss about it to anyone. 

One Friday evening after they’d finished and the men had gotten their showers, Margaret came into the bunkhouse, looking for Steve. 

“Can I speak with you privately, hon?” She had her usual highball glass in one hand and phone in the other. 

He nodded and followed her outside. 

“A man named Rhodes came by while y’all were in the fields yesterday. He said he was looking for you. I told him that I didn’t know you. It’s good thing I pay you men in cash so he can’t trace you that way. Anyway, I was sure he believed me until he got ready to go. He turned back to me and said, ‘If you see him, tell him that Nat is worried sick about him. He should let her know that he’s all right.’ ”

Steve smiled. “You did the right thing. I left because I need to take care of things myself. I’m not a criminal and Rhodes is a good guy. Thanks, Margaret.” He hugged his employer and she blushed like a schoolgirl. 

The season was over for now on the farm and Margaret assured Steve that they were good for workers for the next few weeks to wind things up. He packed his belongings and got his bike gassed up. 

“Margaret, can you do me a favor?” 

“I’ll do anything I can for you, Steve. You’ve been a life saver for me and Charlie. We can’t thank you enough.”

He gave her a slip of paper. “This is a phone number to reach Jim Rhodes. Tomorrow, call him and tell him that I’m doing okay and he and Natasha shouldn’t worry.”

“You know that girl will worry about you, don’t you?”

“I know, but I’m not useful to her or Rhodes the way I am right now. I need some time.” 

“You take care, Steve,” she said as she wiped a tear. “I’ll miss you.” 

He hugged the older woman, kissed her cheek, and set out for parts unknown. 

* 

“He was in Florida for the last several months,” Jim Rhodes told Natasha after Margaret’s call the next day.

“Doing what?” Natasha asked, clearly irritated. 

“Working on a farm.” He’d dreaded telling her. She had a temper and it tended to be a little short these days. 

“You’re kidding!” 

“Nope. The lady said he saved her and her husband from an intruder once, too.”

Natasha smiled, despite her anger. “That sounds like Steve.” 

“She said he said to tell you that he’s all right.”

She harrumphed. “He’s an ass and I miss him.”

“He’ll be back when he’s ready,” Rhodes told her.

“What if we need him for a disaster?”

Rhodes looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “You know he’ll be here if we need his help.”

She did, but she needed him. Who was there to reassure her when she woke terrified? She missed everything about him, the good and the bad things, but she mostly hoped that he was all right, wherever he was.

*

Steve had decided to ride along the Gulf coast toward New Orleans. The Gulf of Mexico was beautiful and the weather was hot as hell. He slept in fields and ran on the sandy beaches. He spent a week on a shrimper. He spent a month cleaning floors at an old soldiers’ home, and spent hours talking with the elderly men about their time in WWII and Korea and realized that many of them were younger than he was. 

“You know, I saw that Captain America feller once while I was in the war. We were being held by the Germans in an old factory building in Essen until transport came to take us to a POW camp.” He was talking to an old man named Richard Snow. He was a World War II veteran from right there in Mobile. 

Steve remembered the raid. They’d been sent to the old factory because intelligence said there were munitions there. If there were, they’d moved them by the time he and Howling Commandos got there. All they found were a bunch of terrified GIs who had no idea what was about to happen to them. 

“It was about midnight and them Howling Commandos came, led by Cap himself. They killed or locked up every last one of them Germans and took us back to their camp. Their camp was run by this purty Englishwoman and a grumpy Colonel. As soon as we got checked out by the docs, fed and cleaned, they sent us all back to our units.”

Steve smiled at the mention of the pretty Englishwoman. That would have been Peggy. 

“You look a little like Cap. Anyone ever tell you that?” The old man eyed him carefully. 

Steve smiled at him. “My girlfriend says I do sometimes.” 

“I reckon even he couldn’t stop whatever has happened to the world in the last few months. They tell us it was a virus, but I ain’t no fool. It was some kinda attack.”

Steve nodded and smiled. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Snow. I’ve got to get all trash the taken away before Mrs. Lamb fires me.”

The old man laughed. “Mrs. Lamb reminds me of Nurse Ratched in that book, _One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest_. If you ain’t never read it, you should. It’s a good one.” 

“I’ll check for it next time I go to the library. Thank you, Mr. Snow.”

“Have a good one, Captain,” Mr. Snow said as he left the room. 

Steve wasn’t sure if the man actually knew or not, but maybe it was time to move on. He told Mrs. Lamb that he was leaving in a couple of days and she said she’d have his check ready.

He stopped by to tell Mr. Snow goodbye before he left. 

“I’ve enjoyed our talks, Mr. Snow. I’m moving on.”

“You’ve done plenty, son. So many times.”

Steve looked at him and started to speak. 

“I’m old, but I remember the face of the man who saved my life. I was eighteen years old and I’ll never forget you, Captain Rogers. I had a great life. Two wives and loved them both. Three kids and grandkids, and then great grandkids. I got to come home because of you. You go out there and find what you need, what you want. You’ve earned it.” Then the old man stood up slowly and saluted. 

Steve nodded and left before the tears in his eyes could spill down his face. 

He treated himself to a night in a nice hotel, one with room service. He had steak in his room and watched baseball on television. It felt great. He almost felt guilty. 

He fell asleep with the television on. 

When he woke, the late news was on. “Reclusive billionaire, Anthony Stark, and his wife, Virginia Potts Stark, CEO of Stark Industries and once Stark’s assistant, have a new daughter, born yesterday. Her name, according to our sources, is Morgan.” 

Steve felt an almost physical pain. He missed them all so much. Tony had once been his friend, maybe his best friend. But not now. Now, Tony would barely look at him. Natasha said Stark would get over it, but he didn’t think so. Too much water had passed under the bridge this time.

He thought about calling, asking if Rhodes had seen the baby. Of all of them, Rhodes was the only one who was welcome at Tony’s home. He and Tony had been friends since college. 

He got up and picked up the phone, but put it back after a moment. He couldn’t call Natasha. He had no answers for her, except that he missed her more every day. He lay back down and finally slept. 

* 

New Orleans was loud and hot as hell. He walked the streets, playing tourist in the day time and he found some blues clubs to hit at night. He found he liked the music and no one paid him much attention. He did a lot of thinking as he sat in those smoky clubs.

People kept telling him that he needed time. He realized that was one thing he’d never had. He went into the ice at twenty-seven and stayed there for 66 years. He’d come out and no one seemed to understand that to him, he’d just been asleep a day. The war was like yesterday to him when he woke. He’d spent the last eight years fighting new wars with new comrades, but fighting nonetheless. 

Just the time he’d taken the last few months had made a difference. He had finally begun to be Steve Rogers again. Steve Rogers was a man, not a hero. He wanted what everyone wanted. He wanted to belong somewhere. He wanted a home. He wanted to love someone, have someone love him. He hoped that Natasha was that someone. 

He turned on the burner phone he bought earlier in the day. 

He called Natasha.

“Hello, who is this? How did you get my number?” She sounded tired. He realized his number would show up as an unknown number to her.

“It’s me, N’tasha.”

“Where the fuck are you?” She was also angry. 

“I’m in New Orleans. I wanted to check in.”

“It’s been almost a year since you ran away from home and you want to check in?” She was angrier than he’d ever heard her.

“I know. I am sorry, but I know that at least since Florida, you’ve known where I was. You didn’t need my problems, Natasha, and I wasn’t contributing.”

“You’re right. I did all right without you. I was here every day, trying to find a solution while you were out - farming.”

“I know that. I was selfish. For that I _am_ truly sorry. I’m not sorry that found out things about myself and what I need to do. I - I have a lot of things to tell you when I see you.” 

“I’m too angry to talk right now. But I am glad you’re okay. Call me in a day or two?”

“I will.”

He waited until she cut the connection to do the same. He hoped that he could fix this, make her see why he had to do what he’d done. The people he’d met had given him a new perspective on his own life and the things he’d done. He slept better and his demons didn’t haunt him nearly as badly. The guilt was still there, but it wasn’t as bad. Mr. Snow had reminded him that though they had not gotten rid of HYDRA, he and Commandos had done many good things and saved a lot of Allied lives. 

Perhaps it was time to go home. 

*

2019 - Avengers Headquarters

Steve got home about one in the afternoon on a Monday. He stopped at the gate and pushed the buzzer. 

“Who are you?” her voice came over the intercom. 

“Steve Rogers, ma’am.”

“What business do you have here?”

“Natasha…”

“Oh, all right.” She buzzed him in. 

He walked into her command center. She was sitting at her desk. Her favorite knife lay on the desk as well as a bottle of vodka and a glass. Her hair had grown some more and she still had the blond ends. She wore it in a braid down her back.

“I’ve missed you,” he said. 

“I’ve been right here, Steve, the whole time.”

“I know.”

“I want to cut you.”

“I know that, too.”

She stood and took the knife in her hand and looked at it. She tested the blade on a piece of paper. It was sharp, razor sharp. She put it down and poured a splash of vodka in her glass, then downed it. 

“I want to hate you. You know that, too?” 

He nodded. “I do.” 

She came around the desk to where he stood. She looked up into his face and slapped him, hard. He wasn’t shocked. He was more surprised that she didn’t knife him. He took it, not even raising a hand to touch his face. 

Her voice dropped to barely more than a whisper. “I was scared that I’d never see you again.”

He didn’t say anything, waiting for her to say what she needed to. 

She turned to stomp away and changed her mind at the last second. She leapt into his arms and kissed him. “You bastard,” she murmured between kisses. He didn’t set her down; he held her and kissed her back with all the longing and love he felt for her. After several minutes, she untangled herself and stood in front of him again. “Jim is here somewhere. We probably should take this up later.” 

About that time Rhodes came into the room without knocking. “Rogers! When did you get home?”

“He just this minutes came crawling in here,” Natasha answered Rhodes. “Should we take him back or toss his ass?”

“We need all the help we can get. I say we keep him.” 

Natasha looked up at Steve and almost smiled. “Maybe we can find some toilets for him to clean.”

Rhodes laughed and slapped Steve on the back. “Welcome back, Cap.” He turned to Natasha. “Any word from anyone today?” 

“Rocket asked me out when he gets back. He says once you try a talking raccoon, nothing else will satisfy. Should I say yes?” she asked Rhodes, but her eyes were locked with Steve’s. 

“Uh, maybe I better come back later. You two, uh, work it out.” And he was gone. 

“So should I wait for Rocket?” she asked, stepping close to him again. 

“We should talk,” Steve told her and he meant it.

“Not now. I don’t want to talk. I’ve not been with anyone, including you, since the snap and I have a need you are going to fill. You’re going to do that for me, aren’t you?” 

“Yes, ma’am,” he whispered as he pulled her back into an embrace. She wrapped her arms around him, running her hands over his back as she looked up into his face, his eyes. 

Without speaking further, she pulled his shirt out of his pants and began to unbutton it. 

“Here?” He asked. 

She nodded and reached for his belt, unbuckling it slowly and deliberately. He looked at her hands as she unzipped him and slid both his pants and his underwear down. He kicked them off and reached for her. He yanked her black tank top over her head. She had a sports bra on underneath and after a few minutes of struggle, he managed to pull it over her head and toss it away as well. He pushed her toward the desk. 

She wiggled out of her leggings and reached for him and pulled him back with her as she lay back on her desk. She reached between him, taking him into her hand. He gasped at her touch. She ran her hand up and down slowly. 

“I – oh, Natasha,” he managed before she shut his mouth with a kiss. 

He touched her, slipped his fingers into her wet folds, finding her clitoris. She bucked against his hand. “Steve,” she moaned into his mouth. 

“I want -” he started to say.

“Yes, now!” she answered and wrapped her legs around his hips. She reached between them and guided him to where she wanted him. He was eager to do her bidding as he pressed deep inside her. He lost himself in her, completely and utterly. At her urging, his thrusts were hard and fast, spiraling quickly out of control. She dug her heels into his ass and arched up against him, crying out his name over and over when she came and he followed seconds later, bracing his hands on either side of her for better leverage. 

He wanted to tell her how much he loved her. He didn’t, figuring she might take her knife to him if he said anything at all. 

He moved after a few moments, hunting his pants and slipping them on. 

She didn’t bother with her clothes as she sat up on the desk. 

“Welcome home. If you run off again, I will track you down and kill your sorry ass.”

“Can we talk later?” he asked her.

“Yeah. I’d better get dressed before Jim comes back.” 

Steve helped her find her clothes and finished dressing himself as well. 

“Go unpack or whatever you need to do. I’ll see you later. Oh, we need some peanut butter. Will you go to the store after you unpack?” She grinned at him. 

He nodded and headed to his old quarters, quarters they’d shared. He wondered before he got there if she’d moved out. But she hadn’t. Her stuff was all over, including what looked like a month’s worth of dirty clothes piled in a corner. He gathered them all up and carried them down to the laundry with his own clothing. 

Rhodes was there. 

“She make you do the laundry?” he said with a grin.

“This is partly mine, but I thought I’d do hers, too.”

“I’m not sure she’s actually done any laundry since you left. I’m pretty sure she’s worn all the clothes she could find anyone else’s apartment, including mine. I think that shirt she had today was one of Stark’s old shirts.”

Steve laughed. “She never did like doing laundry. Not sure why but folding clean clothes is kinda soothing. I used to help Ma fold them when I was a kid. We’d talk about our days as we folded.”

“My mom would leave all the clothes in the baskets until we helped her fold them. There were no excuses. I think she’d have let us go to school naked if we didn’t help out.”

“Sounds like a smart woman,” Steve said with a smile. 

“Smarter than me. I have an assassin stealing my clothes and I’m too afraid of her to say anything.”

They sat and folded clothes and talked about what had transpired since Steve had left. 

“She really cares about you, man,” Jim told Steve. “She may never say it in words, but she does.”

“I feel the same about her. I had to do it. There were parts of me broken and I needed to see if they could be fixed, if I could be a person again and not just a hero.”

“And can you?” 

Steve shrugged. “We’ll see.”

* 

She came to their quarters about nine that evening. Steve had put their clothes away and unpacked all his stuff. He’d stopped by the command center earlier and brought dinner, burgers and fries from a diner nearby. They were much better than fast food and Steve figured Natasha needed a break from peanut butter once in a while. 

He was sitting at the desk, reading the internet on his tablet. 

She looked at him, nodded hello and headed to the shower. He got up and followed. She was naked by the time he opened the bathroom door. 

“You dirty, too?” she asked, and licked her lip. 

He nodded as he dropped his pants to the floor and joined her. 

Later, they were both in bed. She was laying by his side with her head on his chest. 

“You said you wanted to talk to me,” she prompted. 

“Have you forgiven me?” 

“I’m working on it. Tell me why you left without a word?”

“I wouldn’t have been strong enough to go if you’d asked me not to.” It seemed easier to be frank with her in the near dark of the room. 

“Did you have to go away to do – whatever it was you thought you had to do?” 

“I did. I’ll try to explain it.”

“That would be nice. You’re lucky I didn’t shoot you.”

He kissed her forehead. 

“After all the work Sam and I did while we were on the run, it all seemed to fall apart after Stark came back. He refused to help and we were out of ideas and it all came crashing down. I wanted to die, but I’m hard to kill.”

“We all felt that way.” 

“I know we did, but we all have different ways to cope.”

“Go on.” She made a lazy circle with her finger on his chest. It comforted him that she was still calm enough to do that. 

“Steve Rogers went into the machine and got the supersoldier serum and the man who came out wasn’t real. He was an invention. Steve Rogers was still inside him, but he was overpowered by the strong, handsome Captain America.”

“I understand. I don’t know who I was before I went into the Red Room.”

“But I did know who I was before. I just didn’t know how to be both Steve and Captain America.”

She wiggled a bit and settled against him again. 

“Let’s go to sleep and talk some more tomorrow,” he told her, smoothing her hair back. 

“I’m tired. It’s been a long day. Welcome back, Steve.” She kissed him and was asleep in minutes. So was he.

Natasha was getting dressed when he woke the next morning. He lay in the bed and watched her look through the drawers. She turned to him, smiling. “I knew there was something I missed about you besides your good looks. I have clean clothes!”

“Rhodes said you’ve been wearing his clothes.”

“Could be. I kinda searched for clothes once mine were all dirty. I even went shopping for clothes once or twice to keep from doing laundry.”

As he watched her put on her bra, he grinned. “If I’d thought about how good you look without clothes, maybe I’d have waited a few more days to wash them.” 

She continued to dress with a small smile playing at the corner of her mouth. 

He got up as she left and made himself some coffee, a habit he’d learned from Stark. He’d seldom seen Tony without a coffee cup nearby. He headed to the command center with a cup for Natasha. 

She smiled at him when he came in and handed her the coffee. 

“Sit, Rogers. You still owe me the rest of your explanation.”

He sat down on the other side of her desk from and nodded. “I do.”

“I needed to find Steve Rogers, if he was still in there. I met people who didn’t know me, people who liked me without the suit.”

“I like you without the suit,” she said. Grinning into her coffee cup, she said, “I like you without anything on, to tell the truth.”

“I worked several months on a tomato farm, living in a bunkhouse with three other guys. Those guys and the people I worked for were good to me from the beginning and they didn’t know me. The one that really got to me and made realize that I was still Steve Rogers, too, was an old man in an old folks’ home. His name was Mr. Snow and he was in Europe in World War II and we rescued him, me and the Howling Commandos.” He stopped talking for a moment. “He knew who I was and he thanked me.” 

He closed his eyes to keep Natasha from seeing the tear in the corner of his eye. After a moment, he went on. “I was reading and found this quote: _ We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. _ T.S. Eliot wrote it. I finally recognized me. I am both Steve Rogers and Captain America.”

Natasha put her hand over his. “Oh, Steve, I could have told you that all along. You listened to all the people who called you a man out of time. Or what Ultron said to you about not living without a war. You let those things define you.”

“After the serum, I’ve never lived without war.”

“You have now. You have always been Steve to me.” 

He leaned across the table and kissed her cheek. “I love you, Natasha. I hope you know that.” 

“I should shoot you, but yes, I do know that.”

[](https://imgur.com/ODrPhi9)

* 

2023 

He bought her a marker, a small stone with her name on it. There had been a little space in the small cemetery where his mother and father were buried and he’d had it placed there. 

It said:  
_Natasha Romanov_  
_Beloved of Steve Rogers_  
_ No Day Shall Erase You From the Memory of Time. ~ Virgil _

Before he arrived at the lake to give Sam his shield, he’d gone by the graveyard. He stood a long time, remembering her sacrifice, her love for them all. 

They had a good life. He knew Sam and Bucky would think he’d spent all those years with Peggy and he _had_ gone to see Peggy. He told her about his life, about Natasha and they’d danced the dance they’d never had. She’d wished him all happiness as he walked out her door for the last time. 

Then he had gone in time to find Natasha and he’d taken her away. They’d gone to yet another time, a time untouched by the Avengers or Thanos. And they’d gotten their happily ever after. She was waiting in the car for him to give Sam the shield and the two of them were heading back home to live out the rest of their lives in peace and love. 

He was simply Steve Rogers and had been for many years now. It was time for someone else to be Captain America.

[](https://imgur.com/SFrRYIt)

**Author's Note:**

> My [**Tumblr**](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/alexcat45).


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